Fun, Facts, Masti and Latest Updates

Customer: “How fast will my COM ports go?”
Tech Support: “How hard can you throw your computer?” ___________________________________________________
Customer: “Hello, I have a problem. My name is John Smith.”
Tech Support: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that problem.”
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Customer: “When I touch the sound card board at the back of my PC, I can feel electric current.”
Tech Support: “Then don’t touch it.”
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Customer: “What’s the fastest way to move 500 megabytes of data daily from Santa Cruz to Los Angeles?”
Tech Support: “Fed Ex.”
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Customer: “I can’t get loaded!”
Tech Support: “Try stronger drinks.”
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Customer: “Can I ask you a really stupid question?”
Tech Support: “Yes. And history will bear me out on that.”
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Student: “How do I make a paper longer?”
Consultant: “You write more.”

UNIX:
She’s very objective, logical, and intelligent. She’s ugly but she looks ok with lots of makeup. She’s very tidy and a keeps a clean house. She only speaks ancient Greek and only listens to you if you use perfect grammar. She’s very emotionally stable and refuses to argue. People consult her on really important things because they know they can depend on her. Her sister Linux is very similar in appearance, but have a more up-to-date dress sense and today more people seem to like her, over UNIX.

Mac OS:
She’s even tempered and only blows up if you do something really stupid or if there’s something seriously wrong with her system. She’s beautiful and improves with age. She’s very stylish and sets trends. She never lies. She is easy to talk to and you can generally get her to do what you want without much of a fuss. She’s a good communicator and likes to talk to friends. She’s flexible and likes change. She’s always nice to people when they come to visit. People love her when they get to know her and she has devoted friends everywhere. She smiles at you when you turn her on.

Windows:
She has a nasty temper and often blows up at you for no reason. You have to fight with her to get her to do anything and she insists that you do things the hard way. She’s extremely jealous and has been known to slip poison into the drinks of other women who come to visit. She even fights with her friends and it can take hours to get them to listen to each other. Even then, they only recognize each other when they feel like it. She has many psychological problems which carried over from her DOS childhood, although she claims to be over it. Her house is immaculate until you look in the closets and storage spaces where she hides all the crap she doesn’t want people to see. Her house is full of nifty appliances and home electronics but you’re lucky if you can get anything to work. Nothing in her house is where you would expect it to be; the kitchen is on the roof and the bathroom is through a trap door under a rug. She throws a tantrum if you rearrange the furniture. If she gets really mad she makes you go outside, ring the doorbell and wait for her to calm down and let you back in. She deteriorates with age and gets even more ornery the older she gets.

A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to re place it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but thereis an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS.
Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.
User: It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you! the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

“I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

Lollzzzzz

Here are the top reasons that computers must be male;

14. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

13. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

12. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they ARE the problem.

11. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.

10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.

9. A better model is always just around the corner.

8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.

7. It is always necessary to have a backup.

6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.

5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.

3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.

2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.

1. Size does matter.